When my friend and mentor invited me to write for 5 Star Teaching, I was perplexed. Specifically, she asked me to write about my experiences as a mentor to new teachers and now as a resource teacher to mentors. Me? What could I write about? I’m not a writer. What expertise do I have to share? Janet, in her gracious way, encouraged me to just share my stories. Today, almost a year since that conversation with Janet, I sat down to write – more for myself than for anyone who might chance to read this.
After a hectic and somewhat frustrating day, I came home and did my usual evening Facebook check. Tina Boogren from Marzano Research has this lovely Facebook page called Self-Care for Educators that reminded me to reconnect with what I love most. Professionally, nothing gets me more excited than coaching. I get excited about the process, not just because I love to hear a great coaching question, but because I truly believe coaching elevates us as professionals and human beings. So, today I’m setting aside the frustrations of the day and writing to reconnect with my love.
Where to start? Always relationships!
About two weeks ago a colleague and I were discussing an upcoming professional development session for second-year teachers. The focus of the session is on building and maintaining a positive classroom culture. I was explaining that many teachers are incorporating icebreaker and “get to know you” activities in September, but an area of need is how to continue to build positive culture throughout the school year. My colleague listened and said, “Well, building relationships is not about activities.” (Pause for my brain to ponder her statement… YES! Helen’s a genius!)
The more I thought about that conversation with my colleague, the more I connected it to coaching. Any coaching model is built on the idea that relationships are at the heart of the matter. Even novice coaches can verbally articulate that fact. Yet, often I find that there is a tendency to just go through the motions of relationship building. We discuss plans for the upcoming weekend. We joke around with teachers in the hallway. We bring food for the staff luncheon. We empathize, commiserate, smile, and hand out gobs of chocolate. And none of this means that we have the kind of relationship necessary to coach a teacher.
Why not?
In my experience, if coaching isn’t working, it’s because people underestimate the complexity of relationship building. A coaching relationship doesn’t exist just because the principal adopts a coaching model for the school building. A coaching relationship doesn’t exist just because someone with the title of coach is asking reflective questions.
In ten years of coaching, something I know for sure is that it is a deeply personal experience. I had the opportunity to attend a conference led by Jim Knight, who said it best – talking about a teacher’s practice is ALWAYS PERSONAL.
Who do you share your most personal self with? Probably a spouse, parent, or friend. For me, it’s my best friend. What makes me willing to share with her? In her heart, she’s rooting for me. She has no secret plan to fix me. Even if I tell her something that makes me feel like a rotten person, she doesn’t judge or condemn. She offers advice strategically. She challenges my thinking and beliefs, and yet I feel safe.
I am not suggesting that two people involved in a coaching relationship need to be best friends. But I do believe that there is a deeper level of professional caring necessary. What would it take for you to develop this kind of coaching relationship with a teacher?
Because building relationships is not about activities…
Laura Hein